I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
