I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
time to smoke my breakfast
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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