there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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