mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
