So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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