and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
