yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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