he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
