I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
