Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
did i just pee glitter
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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