Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
As shirtless as possible
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
