People with herpes should wear stickers.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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