I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
