I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
