I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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