batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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