dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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