Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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