don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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