Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
