yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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