ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
