we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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