I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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