I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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