Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
