I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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