Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
