I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
sarcasm needs its own font
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
