the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
