I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
