At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize