I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Semen is not good for contacts.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
