I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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