Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
