i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
