fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
