Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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