I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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