Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
