This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
