if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
