i need an iv and a liver transplant
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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