I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
