Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
