You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
