So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
