i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Also, beer. Big fan.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
