the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
