So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Every concussion has its silver lining
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
