their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
