I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
