i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
