That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
