If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
