she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
