Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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