I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
