youre lurking in front of me
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
