I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
