i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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