What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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