DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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