you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
