No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
