I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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