woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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