you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
