In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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