last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
