accomplished twins. life is a go
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
