Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
