grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
