2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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