well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
