I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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