the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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