My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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