I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize