in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
