Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize