Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize