You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
