just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
