i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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