well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
