you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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