you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
