I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
