Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
