I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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