On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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