Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
