Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
