make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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