Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
